Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
It's shark week go big or go home
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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