the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
