His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
