and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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