Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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