yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
