I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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