I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
