Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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