I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
