please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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