Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize