He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
