I have demons in me.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
