I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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