I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
