dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
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