He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
