I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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