Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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