Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
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