I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
