I wanna bring you to show and tell
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
