remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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