the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
