I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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