i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
