Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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