I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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