Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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