Do you still have your period?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
