He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
