I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
