No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize
