I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
