I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
