Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize