The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
