you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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