He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
