He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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