jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
