I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
