You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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