It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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