Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Randomize