I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
