My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
