I cannot find my penis.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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