I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
