Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
