By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
