We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
