I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Idk if I want to put a bra on
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
