oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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