Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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