A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Randomize
