I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
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