stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
