Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
