she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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