We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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