yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
