this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize