I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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