halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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