Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
