thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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