If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
