And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
