Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
