My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
