i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
