so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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