I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
