remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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